Everyone has moments when they feel like they're worthless, not good enough, second best, all we've all had them throughout life. There are points where we feel left out and feel the only way to feel better is to hurt others and stop their happiness. But this isn't the answer, personally I've messed up due to this, we hurt others too much and then there's no way back. We only have one shot in life and there's no reason to hurt others over our pain. Once we hurt others we end up hurting ourselves even if we're just trying to help, we feel like everything we do isn't good enough and that we mess up everything, as if we're poison. We just want to run but in reality we have to stay and face our mistakes. It can take time to heal this pain and I personally, if possible, don't want you to go through this.
In the past I've done this so many times to one person in specific. I saw this person being happy with people who weren't me and I got jealous. I pushed them away and then blamed them for so much, pretending that it wasn't really my fault. This person always stood up for me and tried to protect me but it was never good enough for me (even though it reality it was), I just shoved it all back in their face. I saw them hanging out with other people, getting closer with them, taking pictures with them, as if they were trying to rub it in my face when it wasn't this at all. I constantly relied on this person and in my head they were selfish when actually I was the selfish one. I promised this person I would always be there for them but when it came down to it I wasn't, basically I screwed up. I saw them trying to protect me as jealousy and their other friendships as a way to push me out, when actually this person deserved better than just me ALL the time. This isn't me looking for a pity party, it's my way of realising I was wrong and my way of apologising to this person. Because I do love this person, no matter how much we fight.
So like I said, don't take your pain out on others just because they're having a better time than you, but don't let it boil over, try to calmly explain how you feel and go from there, and don't feel like you're not good enough because each of us was put on this earth for a reason and we're all worth a life.
Stay strong
All my love
~Millie317
Xoxoxox
